Saying For Today: But I cannot limit this to feelings, for this knowing is a knowing that confuses the mind, not fitting its socialized dualistic, emotive categories of togetherness, kindness, love, intimacy, ...
LOTUS OF THE HEART
Living in Love beyond Beliefs
EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE
*Darkness Speaks!!!!!, Ahsan Amin, Flickr
This writing was edited and enlarged this day, during a transition period from living in one state to another and one job to another, and by myself, and days of seeming to live in a fog of confusion and lostness, both internally and externally. So, the writing was meant to read as a memoir of now and it, as least as I read it, communicates the disjointed feeling I am living right now. So, do not try to make it make sense: so, please feel it. Thanks!
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Jean Paul-Satre wrote of God, "God is absence. God is the solitude of man." I am not certain what he meant, or by "God." I, however, feel a resonating with the words - even slightly sad at the reality his words speak forth. I feel plunged into some state of knowing the Presence of Life intimately, yet searching, like fingers in the dark, for a familiar, comforting Closeness. I find, like Light moving away in the dark, that experience eluding me - or my effort is pushing it away, possibly - I do not know, as I seem to know little, if anything, in this grace of Unknowing knowing.
In Quiet, I seem oddly lost as what to do or to do nothing, yet to do nothing is something. Here, my mind apparently has reached its limits, for it cannot grasp the Unity holding that two in opposition: doing, not-doing. Possibly, the struggle does not matter, for possibly that is Prayer.
I find frustration and comfort inviting me to a more relaxed way of being in Presence, both in practicing silence apart and life-with-others. I am pulled into a consort with Grace in this Graceful Darkness. And I see myself saying "Yes," a Sense of Presence-being-with-Itself in the absence of consoling feeling, or comforting experience, of that Presence. Possibly, the resolution is not about what many call "God," but about life as Life. In union with Life, even everyday life, I know intimacy with God in Solitude, with everyone and you - before our masks are put on and we play our roles here. But I cannot limit this to feelings, for this knowing is a knowing that confuses the mind, not fitting its socialized dualistic, emotive categories of togetherness, kindness, love, intimacy, ...
Possibly, again, the Silence is teaching me to relax more and be more playful in times of intentional Prayer, as I see has happened in my daily being-with others, where I have been much freed to be en-joy when among them - even apparent strangers I have never met. This playfulness en-joy happened today, in a little store in a little town nearby the park I am staying temporarily. There, in that little grocery store, I felt at-Home, playful, in Love with Life, with others. I even talked to two ladies there, while we were shopping. One enjoyed our talking. The other seemed alarmed an apparent stranger would speak with her - she moved on quietly (How sad some persons are so alarmed by Kindness).
I, maybe, find it more natural to Pray now when in ordinary togetherness with others, than when setting time aside for Prayer. Maybe one day I will simply stop the set-aside times, altogether, and simply live Prayerfully - possibly I will, for possibly I will have no other choice, by Grace, or possibly not, by Grace. Possibly, again, it does not matter, whatever, as long as what is done or not done is done or not done in and by Love for Love. As one Prayerful person once said to me, "I don't think God cares how we pray, as long as we are fully present."
